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Hiiii. I'm Sam🌸
When people hear my story, they often assume that my experience with CPS is what made me wiser & stronger. Let me be clear: CPS did not make me a better person.
The trauma, the separation from my children, the grief of knowing someone else is raising them—none of that made me better. Those things broke me.
Moments~ like the first 24hours after removal, when I was unable to know where my children were, much less how they were doing. Me knowing they needed me & knowing I was what's best for them yet I was alone without them for the 1st time ever in their lives… It was unbearable & them alone without me, I knew they were suffering.
My children away with strangers not having me their mother, not having their routine/schedule, their family, their belongings, I knew my children were suffering. Its hard to explain what it's like whdn oneday your childrens rooms, belongings & all your FAMILY PICTURES are sentimental & meaningful... priceless. Then the very next day those exact same items are a mom's new triggers causing tears of despair that leave them questioning their entire existence & if they even want to be here anymore
THAT'S JUST ONE OF MY EXPERIENCES WITH CPS THAT CHANGED ME FOREVER... SO HOW DID I BECOME A BETTER PERSON THAN I WAS BEFORE…
In the beginning of my case, I was filled with rage. My ex and his girlfriend had stolen my kids, and I wanted nothing but justice, revenge, or at the very least for them to feel the pain I felt- retaliation. My anger was constantly with me.
Believing in karma & in God as my vindicator & being that i was in my beginning stages of learning to walk with God, i was able to turn to God with my rage/anger, pain, injustices & grieving also bringing with me my new dark heaviness, self pity & at times verge of hopelessness.
The Bible verse “God shall never leave nor forsaken you” is true - every time I felt the rage & darkness creeping in I turned towards God & he was there
That awareness looked various ways in my physical life– sometimes it was 🔹️me in the garden at my church pulling weeds in the prayer garden that had been neglected or 🔹️taking really long walks at sunset or 🔹️writing in my journal or at times it looked like 🔹️me going to my elderly neighbors house to see what they needed help with. 🔸️Punching bags are nice too if u have one with some gloves & 🔸️flames are handy (no we don't get to burn down our county’s CPS office lol)
We get to burn the pages of our verbal vomit that all of us must feel, write & release... by having that 🔥flame to burn those pages of negativity which allows us to ✨️surrender, ✨️heal & receive ✨️positivity & much more (future blog posts & shows to come)✨️✨️
MORE WAYS I BECAME A BETTER PERSON after the destruction of CPS...
Examples of what made me a better person (& CAN FOR YOU TOO).... •meditation, •yoga, •self care, •hobbies, •nature, •exercise, •advocating for other parents & •support group
– support groups are a critical key in becoming that better person this blog is about (www.mybellis.com)...
All these things have became a big part of my life these past 3yrs in which I've been dedicated to my~ SAM’S HEALING JOURNEY
THE #1 EXPERIENCE THAT HAS MADE ME A BETTER PERSON IS ( a lot of people don't like to hear this)-- FORGIVENESS
I had no intentions of forgiving especially within the first year of my open case. However in walking with god i could sense him telling me PRAY FOR YOUR ENEMY (hell no was my 1st reaction)
no matter the bargaining, debating, pouting I do- God's always right... at first, it was mechanical. I’d raise my hands and say the words, “I pray for them. I hope they find the light. I wish them blessings.” But I didn’t mean a single word of it. My lips were moving, but my heart wasn’t in it.
Still, I kept going.
Day after day, week after week, I prayed. And slowly, my heart began to change. The anger started to loosen its grip on me. The people who had wronged me didn’t change—but I did.
One of the ways I knew something inside me had shifted was through a little test I used to play in my mind. I’d picture them stranded on the side of the road, needing help. For years, my answer was always the same: No. I would drive right by. At first year my answer to the test the scenario playing in my head was I would hit them with my car
But recently, when that picture came back to me, I realized my answer had changed. If I were the only one who could help, I would stop & help my enemy-- my abuse of exit is at the time girlfriend who maliciously plan the destruction of my life and involved CBS with false allegations and doing so all with the intent of having my kids removed from me he wanted to hurt me the way I hurt him and she wanted me completely out of the picture because she was jealous
Forgiveness isn't because I condone what they did.
Its not because they deserve it.
Not because I’ve forgotten the pain.
But because forgiveness changed me & that's what make me better
Forgiving people who never said sorry, who never tried to make it right, has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But it’s also the thing that has given me peace. And that peace is priceless.
So no, CPS didn’t make me a better person. If anything, it tried to strip me of who I was. But God, forgiveness, and my choice to keep softening my heart—that’s what transformed me.
Forgiveness as a Healing Strategy
Forgiveness isn't easy, it doesnt happen overnight. It’s a process—a choice you keep making until your heart finally catches up.
Why choose forgiveness?
Because it heals you. It frees you. It lets you breathe again.
Here are 5 benefits of forgiveness that I’ve experienced firsthand:
1. Peace of Mind – The constant replaying of “what they did to me” begins to quiet down. Your thoughts feel lighter.
2. Freedom from Bitterness – Anger is heavy. Forgiveness lifts that weight, giving you more energy to focus on your own healing.
3. Better Health – Stress, tension, and resentment take a toll on your body. Forgiveness eases that load, improving your mental and physical health.
4. Emotional Growth – Forgiving people who never apologized teaches you strength, resilience, and self-control. It grows you in ways pain alone never could.
5. Stronger Faith & Hope – Forgiveness opens the door for God (or whatever higher power you trust) to restore your spirit and show you who you really are beyond the hurt.
How to Begin Practicing Forgiveness
If forgiveness feels impossible, start small. Here are steps you can try:
🔅Say the words, even if you don’t mean them yet. (“I forgive them. I release this pain.”) Repetition works on the heart over time.
🔅Pray or send light to your enemy. You don’t have to feel it—just speak it.
🔅Focus on yourself, not them. Remember, forgiveness is about your freedom, not theirs.
🔅Journal the anger out. Write letters you’ll never send, just to release the poison.
Check your progress with the “roadside test.” Ask yourself: if they were stranded, would you help? See how your answer evolves.
Forgiveness does it mean forgetting, it simply means choosing peace...which is priceless. If there's one thing CPS cannot have control and power over us~ that's our healing and if there's one thing that CPS can never take from us~ that's our peace {unless we let them}.
End Blog.
From the Writer:
Sending each of you gratitude & love~~ my "HEAL W/ SAM SHOW" & @samshealingjourney is for you, because of you & without you I wouldn't be as healed as I am today. Thanks to your support I have hope for me personally, for each of you, our families & hope/Faith we are making a difference for future families. Everyday I pray for god to lift his hands over each of her children for protection and for them to know that they are loved!!! Namesta✨️
Sincerely Sam🌸
🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷
TikTok: @samshealingjourney
Fb group: fightlikeamother
Email: samadvocate2025@gmail.com
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